Mosquito bites woman belonging to minority community; sparks national debate

New Delhi: In a shocking development, a mosquito has allegedly bit a woman belonging to minority community. The incident took place in Delhi’s busy NCR region when the woman was returning home from work.

The victim, a resident of Delhi, expressed her pain and anguish over the incident. “The mosquito bit me when I was getting out from the metro at Chandni Chowk. It was just a bite. I scratched it a few times. I’m fine now” she said while narrating the shocking incident to a local journalist.

The incident quickly sparked a local controversy. Thought the mosquito’s background and intentions are not yet known, self-proclaimed internet liberals have uncovered the shocking truth.

Its a clear case of communalism and fascism. The mosquito is intolerant of minorities” tweeted a secular internet liberal, which was re-tweeted by other secular internet liberals, leading to massive outrage on Twitter.

The assailant who committed the heinous fascist crime seemed clueless when reporters approached it

The assailant who committed the heinous fascist crime seemed clueless when reporters approached it

Following massive public outrage, the communal fascist mosquito has been caught and remanded in a plastic box at a local police station in Delhi. Secular internet liberals have hailed the swift action on the part of the Delhi police in arresting the mosquito.

Congress leader Digvijaya Singh smells RSS/ BJP’s hand in the incident. “Narendra Modi was giving his speech in Odisha and the mosquito bit the woman. Is there a connect? Wait for investigation..” tweeted Diggy.

Diggy spoke exclusively to our reporter regarding the incident. “Delhi has secular mosquitoes. They first suck the blood of the majority community, and only then do they target the minority community. But that never happens, because the secular mosquitoes get enough blood from the majority community, so they never have to target the minorities. This communal mosquito must have come from a BJP-ruled state” Diggy claimed.

Diggy also tweeted a warning to Nitish Kumar and non-BJP ruled states from the onslaught of communal mosquitoes, saying “Be careful Nitish Kumar and non-BJP ruled states. Communal fascist mosquitoes are coming..

Just like Diggy, secular internet liberals are connecting the incident with Narendra Modi’s Odisha visit. Here are some examples of efforts of secular tweeters to expose Modi:

“Narendra Modi visited Odisha and the next thing you know is a #mosquito bites a woman belonging to minority community in #Delhi.”

“Narendra Modi is a fascist dictator, he even inspires communalism in mosquitoes. #Feku exposed.”

The incident has sparked national debates all across India. Many top news channels will be scheduling a live debate at the prime-time slot. It will have several secular intellectuals on the panel to collectively decide the fate of the mosquito.

“Did the mosquito intentionally bite the woman just because she belonged to minority community. The nation wants to know. The Newshour Debate Tonight” Arnab of ‘Times Now’ tweeted.

“On Buck Stops Here: Mosquito bites a minority woman. Is it a Modi conspiracy?” Barkha of NDTV tweeted.

Some Congress leaders are mulling the idea of sending the matter to NIA for investigation. “We are considering it” Congress leader Ajay Maken revealed.

A honest sincere citizen, who had like, absolutely no “affiliation” to any political party, launched a satirical website using JavaScript to mock the mosquito. It showed the image of Narendra Modi with a mosquito in his hand, with description which read as “To know how I communalize India using mosquitoes, click the link below.

However, after facing “backlash”, the content was removed.  The site read as follows, “I quit. I thought you could make decent satire on anybody. But, clearly, apparently, I was wrong. Mosquitoes were biting me all night, so I had to shut the site down.” The incident was taken note by the media and appeared in almost all major news channels and websites exposing Modi’s mosquito scam.

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Secularists hail the successful transition of Bihar into a ‘secular’ state

Barely just a few months after Nitish Kumar’s valiant break away from the NDA coalition and move towards the ‘secular’ UPA coalition, critics and observers have concluded that Bihar has successfully transitioned into a secular state.

“The first holy sign came during the episode of the mid-day meal deaths. Here, instead of taking strong action and showing solidarity with the victims, the Nitish Kumar government pointed fingers at Narendra Modi and the BJP, personifying the great values of secularism” Mr. Doggy, a very sophisticated politician and liberal, explained.

“After the mid-day meal deaths, Nitish Kumar government was brave enough to bring Modi and BJP in the picture. Even in such a tough scenario, they showed the strength and the stamina to be secular and politically-correct.  I see no greater secular achievement than this” remarked a former critic of the Bihar Chief Minister, who is now become his admirer.

The second holy sign was not far away. After the death of Indian soldiers in the LOC firings by Pakistan, a JD(U) leader showed great secular virtues by belittling the sacrifices of the Indian soldiers. “They join the army only to die” the secular leader said.

“One of the foremost virtues of Congress-branded secularism is anti-Nationalism” a pro-Congress secular liberal explained “anti-Nationalism is the highest attainment of secularism. Hence now we can say with ample certainty that Bihar has successfully transitioned into a secular state”.

The only sacrifice the so-called ‘aam admi’ has to give is to trash the good governance, political accountability, economic stability, development, etc. which the NDA government was providing when in power. Now the people of Bihar can enjoy the Congress-branded ‘secularism’ under the Nitish Kumar government.

Notice to Chinese manufacturer over communal color of cap

New Delhi: Following the interest shown by Chinese manufacturers to tap the secular goods market in India, the Center today has sent a notice to one ‘Mr. To Pi’, brand-owner of ‘SKAPS’, over an alleged report that he also plans to manufacture saffron color skullcaps.

Mr. To Pi expressed great shock at seeing how secular Indians can get

Mr. To Pi expressed great shock on seeing how secular Indians can get

“We will not tolerate this communalism. Manufacturing saffron-colored skullcaps is clearly communal and these Chinese manufacturers are trying to lean towards communal forces” said Congress leader Ajay Maken, without naming anyone in particular.

This comes after a public interview in which ‘Mr. To Pi’ is reported to have said that he plans to manufacture skullcaps in many colors including white, green, saffron, red, pink, blue, etc.

“We don’t have a problem with other colors, but saffron is a communal color” continued Congress leader Ajay Maken, as he tried to bring out the hidden communal urges in the Chinese manufacturer ‘Mr. To Pi’.

The Chief Minister of Bihar, Nitish Kumar, too sang a similar ‘secular’ tune. “White and Green are secular. Other colors are acceptable. But saffron is communal. Saffron is unacceptable to secular people in Bihar” Nitish reacted shortly after Ajay Maken’s remarks.

‘Mr. To Pi’ said that he will look into the matter, “In the interest of appeasing complying with the secular forces, we will scrutinize this matter.”

Another Congress leader Digvijaya Singh took things to the extreme. “This Chinese manufacturer should be banned for his questionable secular credentials” Diggy tweeted.

To demonstrate Congress party’s commitment to secularism, Diggy followed up his previous tweet with another tweet with some inspirational lines:

Diggy_tweets

Digvijaya Singh most respected politician in the world: PCI Survey

According to the survey, Diggy is most respected politician in the world. Several political analysts feel otherwise

According to the survey, Diggy is most respected politician in the world. Several political analysts feel otherwise

According to a new survey carried out by PCI (Paid Chutiyas of India), Digvijaya Singh is the most respected politician in the world.

The Survey takes into account the respect commanded by a political figure, including their portrayal in media, social networking sites, etc. and their general appeal among the citizens of a country.

The Survey was carried out, according to PCI, in association with other international organizations to compare political leaders across the globe.

“We compared our data with leaders and politicians from around the world to come to the conclusion, and Diggy emerged the clear winner”, PCI spokesperson, Mr. Khujliwala, said at the time of addressing the media.

While Congress usually distance themselves from anything tainted connected with Diggy’s name, they have welcomed this new finding.

“This once again proves that Congress has the best leaders in the world, leaders like Diggy”, remarked a Congress spokesperson to reporters on Monday.

Diggy was quick to react to this development. “This was predictable. I always knew that I am the most respected politician in the world. Now is a good time for me to be declared as the Congress party’s PM candidate”, Diggy said.

Congress usually keep Diggy at an arm's length and quickly disclaim any stupid statement Diggy makes

Congress usually distances itself from Diggy and quickly disclaims any stupid statement Diggy makes

Though Congress has welcomed the finding, it has distanced itself from Diggy’s reactionary statement.

“We respect Diggy, but we don’t stand by his statements. Only Diggy understands what he says”, the spokesperson clarified as Congress tried to steer clear of Diggy’s comments on being declared PM candidate.

PCI’s report further went on to add that even after plenty of hardships, Diggy has managed to maintain his amazing reputation. Few years back, Diggy was diagnosed with a rare disease.

According to veteran BJP leader L. K. Advani, this is “a lesson to both BJP and Congress”. “BJP should learn some political skills from Diggy”, Advani further wrote in his blog.

Many prominent global leaders have been featured in the list compiled in the survey. Three-time Italian Prime Minster  Silvio Berlusconi came in at second place, just after Diggy.

Many political analysts have called the findings of the survey ‘flawed’.

Parliament considering special reservation for rapists: Sources

Rahul Bose speaking up for rapists

Rahul Bose speaking up for rapists

New Delhi: Both the Houses of Parliament are considering a Bill that would enable rapists to have special reservation, around 10% of the seats, each in the Rajya Sabha and the Lok Sabha.

This new Bill, which would enable rapists (and similar sex offenders) to have a reserved seat in Parliament is being hailed by many Indian intellectuals across India who feel that it would be justified as rapists are also human beings. “Rapists are also humans. This new move would help to resolve the communal divide prevalent in India between rapists and non-rapists”, commented Kallu Phattu, a well-known intellectual.

Renown rapist reformer Rahul Bose expressed joy at this development. “All criminals should be sentenced according to the law, but while serving time I believe if any of them show deep, genuine remorse, they should be given a chance to reform in jail. Also, they should be granted release and given special reservation in Parliament”, said Rahul Bose while speaking to the media after the news of the Bill was announced.

“…We have to ask ourselves of the five or six of the rapists of the December 16 is there anyone who wants to change, who wants to become an MP … Nobody is saying about their right to be represented in Parliament…”, Bose further elaborated.

Many experts believe this new move could be useful as many present Members of Parliaments (MPs) already have rape background. “Many MPs have a history of committing rape in the past. Giving them reservation would enable others to come out and be represented in the Parliament”, said Mr. Doggy Sippy, a veteran political commentator.

“Rapists are a suppressed minority in India. It is of utmost importance to give them adequate representation in the working of the government”, Justice Katju wrote in his blog defending the reservation for rapists.

As per official government sources, Kerala’s popular rapist politician P. J. Kurien will lead the new brigade of rapists in the Indian Parliament. P. J. Kurien is being considered for the role of Chariman of the Indian Rapist Parliamentarians (IRP) committee that will overlook the appointment of rapists in the parliament.

Guy tweets ‘Katju is a nut’, gets arrested by police

As one can see, there is clear difference between the two. Justice Katju (above) and Kaju, the Cashew nut (below)

On close observation, one can see clear difference between the two, Justice Katju (above) and Kaju, the Cashew nut (below)

Delhi: On Saturday, a famous twitter personality Mr. Khujliwala (name changed to protect identity) known for his smart wise-ass tweets was arrested by local police here for allegedly tweeting the words- “#Katju is a nut”. The tweet went viral and ended up being retweeted thousands of times. It also started a trend “#KatjuIsANut”. Justice Markandey Katju, who is also active on twitter, pissed off by the trend, filed a complaint at a local police station leading to arrest of Khujliwala.

Mr. Khujliwala is known for taking potshots and poking fun at celebrities and politicians. However, this time, his victim Justice Katju, didn’t take the potshot too lightly. Acting on the complaint, the police arrived at Khujliwala’s house sometime on Monday morning and arrested him.

The police booked a case of defamation against the accused Mr. Khujliwala, who was produced before a local magistrate.  Some of his followers and supporters had gathered to protest outside the Court calling for his release.

It is learnt that during the proceeding, Mr. Khujliwala clarified that he was referring to Kaju (Hindi word for Cashew nuts). “I was talking about Cashew nut, which we call Kaju in Hindi. Kaju is a nut so all I said on twitter was ‘Kaju is a nut’, though I mistakenly wrote Kaju as Katju”, Mr. Khujliwala is reported to have said in his defence. Following this, the magistrate released Mr. Khujliwala with a stern warning not to compare Kaju,the nut, with Justice Katju.

Mr. Khujliwala was seen grinning away as he made his way out of the Court.

Hafiz Saeed was juvenile in 2008, claims Diggy

In what can be seen as a rare gesture of friendship, Congress leader Digvijay Singh has come out in support of Pakistani terrorist and LeT chief Hafiz Saeed. Diggy has extended a hand (or rather, a paw) of friendship to Hafiz Saeed, mastermind of 2008 attacks, by claiming that the latter was a juvenile in 2008.

New love affair creeping up? Hafiz Saeed (top) and Diggy (below)

New love affair creeping up? Hafiz Saeed (top) and Diggy (below)

“Hafiz Saeed sahab should be excused for the November 2008 Mumbai attacks because he was a juvenile”, claimed Diggy.  Diggy wasted no time in extending his paws of support to Pakistani terrorist and LeT chief Hafiz Saeed soon after Diggy came to know that juveniles are at liberty to commit whatever heinous crimes they want in India.

This comes after Muhammad Afroz was ruled to be a juvenile by the Juvenile Justice Board even after his horrific role in the 2012 December 16 gang-rape case.

“Mr. Hafiz Saeed sahab was a juvenile during 2008 Mumbai attacks. He did not know what he was doing as he was just a child. He should be reformed and pardoned”, Diggy further elaborated.

Hafiz Saeed has taken Diggy’s statements very favorably. “Yes I was a juvenile in 2008. I can produce a birth certificate to prove it. Mr. Diggy is right”, Hafiz said happily. (Hafiz Saeed also fondly refers to Digvijay Singh as ‘Diggy’ now)

Pakistan has officially sent a birth certificate showing Hafiz’s birth date as March 10, 1999. Under this certificate, Hafiz would have been 9 years of age in 2008.

“I was just a child in 2008, I was only 9 years old. I was playing with my dolls when Mumbai terror attacks were happening”, Hafiz Saeed said to a local Pakistani news channel after Pakistan officially sent his birth certificate to New Delhi in a dossier.

Following this, Indian PM Manmohan Singh has made a strong statement. “We will not let Hafiz Saeed go scot-free even if he is juvenile. We have requested Pakistan to extradite Hafiz Saeed to India so we can send him to a juvenile remand home”, was PM’s official statement. However, after finishing, the PM asked someone behind the camera “Theek Hai?” just to make sure he said  everything right.