Tag Archives: BJP

Congress plans move to classify Cigarette smokers as ‘minority’ after Budget announcement

New Delhi: After the newly elected NDA government’s announcement of its maiden budget, Cigarette smokers are in for a surprise. Cigarette price will go up by 12-14% for regular length cigarettes where excise duty has been increased by 11-21%, and the smaller size cigarettes prices will go up from Rs. 2/- per stick to Rs. 2.5-3 per stick thanks to a whopping 72% increase in duties.

“We have chosen to increase the duties on cigarettes to act as a deterrent and discourage the citizens from the habit of smoking”, Union Finance Minister Arun Jaitley said while announcing the details, adding “This will help in curbing the number of smokers in the country”.

“This is not fair. We will start rioting, raping, looting and murdering all around if prices of cigarettes are not reduced”, Mr. Sutta Joshi a college student and a chain smoker allegedly threatened to some reporters after the budget announcement, “Its hurts our sentiments since we are so attached to cigarettes”.

As per sources, the word ‘sentiments’ sent shivering waves down the spine of some Congress leaders which triggered a path-breaking idea in the mind of Congress party president Sonia Gandhi.

“We will fight for the rights of smokers. If majority of people in the country stop smoking, then only few active smokers will be left. We will fight for their minority status so that they are not bullied by the majority non-smokers” Sonia ji shared with the reporters shortly after the announcement.

“Sonia madam will write a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi appealing him to declare smokers as ‘minority’ status and grant them constitutional safeguards such as reservation in public undertaking and employment” a Congress spokesperson told media-persons yesterday, and slammed PM Modi for oppressing smokers.

According to sources in Uttar Pradesh, Samajwadi Party supremo Mulayam Singh Yadav is reportedly in a war against its UPA ally Congress to patent a new votebank. “Hum chunaav jeete, toh smokers ke liye badlaav layenge (if we win, we will bring change for smokers)” an SP spokesperson asserted to local reporters in Lucknow, in its latest bid to attract smokers to the party.

Mulayam Singh Yadav received widespread acknowledgment and credit for discovering a new votebank of ‘rapists’ previously when he promised to bring changes in rape laws saying “ladkon se galti ho jaati hai (boys make mistakes)” drawing cheer from many rapists and prospective offenders.

Political analysts have concluded that smokers will be a handy and decisive minority during assembly elections which are scheduled to take place in various States. Liberals and intellectuals have appealed smokers to be vigilant and decisive in their voting.

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Diggy in race to be declared Cong party’s PM candidate: Sources

Diggy with his trademark smile

Diggy with his trademark smile

New Delhi: The internet is rife with rumors that Congress party leader and RSS hand-finder Digvijaya Singh aka ‘Diggy’ is in the race to be declared the party’s PM candidate for 2014 General Elections.

In the run-up to the hotly competitive race for the top seat for 2014, Congress party is leaving no stone unturned to protect its dictatorial dynasty from vacating the country’s throne.

“We have tried it all. We have blamed Modi for almost everything- from rising onion prices, Patna serial blasts, Muzaffarnagar riots, delay in Food Security Bill, corruption, communalism, Section 377, Hritik-Suzanne split, to even KRK’s ‘Deshdrohi’, we’ve tried our best to drag Modi in everything,” explained Sanjay Jha, a Congress leader.

“Its all going nowhere. We are running out of stuff to blame Modi for,” Mr. Jha continued “Now we are planning to constitute a special committee to come up with new Modi-related controversies and link Modi to practically every problem this country is facing right now”.

In the midst of all these drawbacks, Congress leader Digvijaya Singh, who is otherwise an underdog in politics, is now finding the limelight. “Diggy’s skills in dragging Modi in every controversy will be very handy to us in 2014”, a Congress leader on condition of anonymity, told our reporter.

In the wake of rumors about Diggy being declared Congress PM candidate, the party has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors. “We have decided to test the grounds and see Diggy’s popularity first,” the anonymous Congress leader said “and if these rumors fetch some good results, we may actually declare Diggy our PM candidate”.

Pakistani PM Nawaz Sharif reacted to the rumors saying “Pakistan will be thrilled to see Digvijaya Singh as the future Prime Minister of India” signifying Diggy’s massive unrivaled popularity in Pakistan.

BJP has largely remained silent on the issue. However, BJP leader Sushma Swaraj tweeted saying, “We are looking forward to see Diggy as Congress party’s PM candidate for 2014”.

Diggy was unavailable for comment, but if sources are to be believed, Diggy is very excited about the idea of being India’s future Prime Minister.

Digvijaya Singh most respected politician in the world: PCI Survey

According to the survey, Diggy is most respected politician in the world. Several political analysts feel otherwise

According to the survey, Diggy is most respected politician in the world. Several political analysts feel otherwise

According to a new survey carried out by PCI (Paid Chutiyas of India), Digvijaya Singh is the most respected politician in the world.

The Survey takes into account the respect commanded by a political figure, including their portrayal in media, social networking sites, etc. and their general appeal among the citizens of a country.

The Survey was carried out, according to PCI, in association with other international organizations to compare political leaders across the globe.

“We compared our data with leaders and politicians from around the world to come to the conclusion, and Diggy emerged the clear winner”, PCI spokesperson, Mr. Khujliwala, said at the time of addressing the media.

While Congress usually distance themselves from anything tainted connected with Diggy’s name, they have welcomed this new finding.

“This once again proves that Congress has the best leaders in the world, leaders like Diggy”, remarked a Congress spokesperson to reporters on Monday.

Diggy was quick to react to this development. “This was predictable. I always knew that I am the most respected politician in the world. Now is a good time for me to be declared as the Congress party’s PM candidate”, Diggy said.

Congress usually keep Diggy at an arm's length and quickly disclaim any stupid statement Diggy makes

Congress usually distances itself from Diggy and quickly disclaims any stupid statement Diggy makes

Though Congress has welcomed the finding, it has distanced itself from Diggy’s reactionary statement.

“We respect Diggy, but we don’t stand by his statements. Only Diggy understands what he says”, the spokesperson clarified as Congress tried to steer clear of Diggy’s comments on being declared PM candidate.

PCI’s report further went on to add that even after plenty of hardships, Diggy has managed to maintain his amazing reputation. Few years back, Diggy was diagnosed with a rare disease.

According to veteran BJP leader L. K. Advani, this is “a lesson to both BJP and Congress”. “BJP should learn some political skills from Diggy”, Advani further wrote in his blog.

Many prominent global leaders have been featured in the list compiled in the survey. Three-time Italian Prime Minster  Silvio Berlusconi came in at second place, just after Diggy.

Many political analysts have called the findings of the survey ‘flawed’.