Tag Archives: reservation

Will send Adivasis, Dalits to Jupiter if Congress wins: Rahul Gandhi

Chhattisgarh: After the successful launch of the ISRO’s Mars Mission, another space mission is in the making. Congress leader Rahul Gandhi addressing an “impressive” rally here, has yet again set a high agenda for Indians which is ‘outta this world!’. This time, its not for Astronauts but for the Adivasis and Dalits of Chhattisgarh.

Experts believe Rahul Gandhi's near-correct pronunciation of the word 'Jupiter' is a strong indication that he is the best person to lead the country

Experts believe Rahul Gandhi’s near-correct pronunciation of the word ‘Jupiter’ is a strong indication that he is the best person to lead the country

Rahul Gandhi, while addressing the rally attended by nearly 700 people (7 being active listeners) touched many key issues such as the meaning of the word ‘state’ and criticized the BJP government run by Chief Minister Raman Singh of not doing enough for the Dalits and Adivasis.

“Dalits and Adivasis should learn to dream bigger. They need the escape velocity of Jupiter to be successful” Rahul ji said “I promise the Tribals, Adivasis and Dalits of Chhattisgarh, that if Congress is elected to power, we will send them all to Jupiter” triggering cheer as well as curiosity among the crowd as some wondered what Jupiter is.

“Jiju (Robert Vadra) will help in securing accommodation on Jupiter” continued Rahul Gandhi referring to country’s national son-in-law Robert Vadra who had once called India a ‘banana republic’. “Before, people from Chhattisgarh had to go to planets like Karnataka and Bangalore for jobs. Now we will make sure they find jobs on Jupiter too. Jiju (Vadra) has fixed some nice land deals on Jupiter” Rahul added optimistically, “we will also ensure Jupiter is free from communal forces “.

Congress leader Digvijaya Singh, as usual, seemed ecstatic about Rahul Gandhi’s grand ‘Jupiter Mission’. “Rahul baba is truly the best secular leader India has right now. Modi is communal. Modi is responsible for Jupiter’s high escape velocity” Diggy tweeted taking a dig at BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate Narendra Modi who is also addressing rallies in the state.

Congress national spokesperson Sanjay Jha confirmed the plan. “The ‘Jupiter Mission’ is in initial stages. We have named the plan ‘Sonia Gandhi Jupiter Bhejo Yojana (SGJBY)’ after Sonia madam. It will have reservation for everyone including SCs, STs, Dalits, Adivasis and even for other minorities. We have put the estimated budget for implementation of ‘SGJBY’ at around Rs. 4000 Crores”, Jha said at a press meet, hinting a fresh new scam is in the dock.

Liberal intellectuals and neutral political observers have hailed the grand ‘Jupiter Mission’. “Congress party’s inclusiveness of including Dalits, Adivasis and SCs and STs in ‘Jupiter Mission’ truly demonstrate the party’s commitment to secularism” one neutral intellectual pointed out, adding “Modi only cares about industrialists”.

Meanwhile, a NASA scientist reportedly contradicted Congress party’s ambitious ‘Jupiter Mission’ by saying that Jupiter has no solid surface, since it is a Gas Giant (mostly made of gases). Reacting sharply, Congress leader Kapil Sibal lambasted the scientist and accused NASA of being communal. “We never expected NASA to join hands with communal forces. It is a respected agency and it should not interfere in India’s domestic politics” Sibal mouthed.

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Parliament considering special reservation for rapists: Sources

Rahul Bose speaking up for rapists

Rahul Bose speaking up for rapists

New Delhi: Both the Houses of Parliament are considering a Bill that would enable rapists to have special reservation, around 10% of the seats, each in the Rajya Sabha and the Lok Sabha.

This new Bill, which would enable rapists (and similar sex offenders) to have a reserved seat in Parliament is being hailed by many Indian intellectuals across India who feel that it would be justified as rapists are also human beings. “Rapists are also humans. This new move would help to resolve the communal divide prevalent in India between rapists and non-rapists”, commented Kallu Phattu, a well-known intellectual.

Renown rapist reformer Rahul Bose expressed joy at this development. “All criminals should be sentenced according to the law, but while serving time I believe if any of them show deep, genuine remorse, they should be given a chance to reform in jail. Also, they should be granted release and given special reservation in Parliament”, said Rahul Bose while speaking to the media after the news of the Bill was announced.

“…We have to ask ourselves of the five or six of the rapists of the December 16 is there anyone who wants to change, who wants to become an MP … Nobody is saying about their right to be represented in Parliament…”, Bose further elaborated.

Many experts believe this new move could be useful as many present Members of Parliaments (MPs) already have rape background. “Many MPs have a history of committing rape in the past. Giving them reservation would enable others to come out and be represented in the Parliament”, said Mr. Doggy Sippy, a veteran political commentator.

“Rapists are a suppressed minority in India. It is of utmost importance to give them adequate representation in the working of the government”, Justice Katju wrote in his blog defending the reservation for rapists.

As per official government sources, Kerala’s popular rapist politician P. J. Kurien will lead the new brigade of rapists in the Indian Parliament. P. J. Kurien is being considered for the role of Chariman of the Indian Rapist Parliamentarians (IRP) committee that will overlook the appointment of rapists in the parliament.