Tag Archives: sanjay jha

Diggy in race to be declared Cong party’s PM candidate: Sources

Diggy with his trademark smile

Diggy with his trademark smile

New Delhi: The internet is rife with rumors that Congress party leader and RSS hand-finder Digvijaya Singh aka ‘Diggy’ is in the race to be declared the party’s PM candidate for 2014 General Elections.

In the run-up to the hotly competitive race for the top seat for 2014, Congress party is leaving no stone unturned to protect its dictatorial dynasty from vacating the country’s throne.

“We have tried it all. We have blamed Modi for almost everything- from rising onion prices, Patna serial blasts, Muzaffarnagar riots, delay in Food Security Bill, corruption, communalism, Section 377, Hritik-Suzanne split, to even KRK’s ‘Deshdrohi’, we’ve tried our best to drag Modi in everything,” explained Sanjay Jha, a Congress leader.

“Its all going nowhere. We are running out of stuff to blame Modi for,” Mr. Jha continued “Now we are planning to constitute a special committee to come up with new Modi-related controversies and link Modi to practically every problem this country is facing right now”.

In the midst of all these drawbacks, Congress leader Digvijaya Singh, who is otherwise an underdog in politics, is now finding the limelight. “Diggy’s skills in dragging Modi in every controversy will be very handy to us in 2014”, a Congress leader on condition of anonymity, told our reporter.

In the wake of rumors about Diggy being declared Congress PM candidate, the party has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors. “We have decided to test the grounds and see Diggy’s popularity first,” the anonymous Congress leader said “and if these rumors fetch some good results, we may actually declare Diggy our PM candidate”.

Pakistani PM Nawaz Sharif reacted to the rumors saying “Pakistan will be thrilled to see Digvijaya Singh as the future Prime Minister of India” signifying Diggy’s massive unrivaled popularity in Pakistan.

BJP has largely remained silent on the issue. However, BJP leader Sushma Swaraj tweeted saying, “We are looking forward to see Diggy as Congress party’s PM candidate for 2014”.

Diggy was unavailable for comment, but if sources are to be believed, Diggy is very excited about the idea of being India’s future Prime Minister.

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Will send Adivasis, Dalits to Jupiter if Congress wins: Rahul Gandhi

Chhattisgarh: After the successful launch of the ISRO’s Mars Mission, another space mission is in the making. Congress leader Rahul Gandhi addressing an “impressive” rally here, has yet again set a high agenda for Indians which is ‘outta this world!’. This time, its not for Astronauts but for the Adivasis and Dalits of Chhattisgarh.

Experts believe Rahul Gandhi's near-correct pronunciation of the word 'Jupiter' is a strong indication that he is the best person to lead the country

Experts believe Rahul Gandhi’s near-correct pronunciation of the word ‘Jupiter’ is a strong indication that he is the best person to lead the country

Rahul Gandhi, while addressing the rally attended by nearly 700 people (7 being active listeners) touched many key issues such as the meaning of the word ‘state’ and criticized the BJP government run by Chief Minister Raman Singh of not doing enough for the Dalits and Adivasis.

“Dalits and Adivasis should learn to dream bigger. They need the escape velocity of Jupiter to be successful” Rahul ji said “I promise the Tribals, Adivasis and Dalits of Chhattisgarh, that if Congress is elected to power, we will send them all to Jupiter” triggering cheer as well as curiosity among the crowd as some wondered what Jupiter is.

“Jiju (Robert Vadra) will help in securing accommodation on Jupiter” continued Rahul Gandhi referring to country’s national son-in-law Robert Vadra who had once called India a ‘banana republic’. “Before, people from Chhattisgarh had to go to planets like Karnataka and Bangalore for jobs. Now we will make sure they find jobs on Jupiter too. Jiju (Vadra) has fixed some nice land deals on Jupiter” Rahul added optimistically, “we will also ensure Jupiter is free from communal forces “.

Congress leader Digvijaya Singh, as usual, seemed ecstatic about Rahul Gandhi’s grand ‘Jupiter Mission’. “Rahul baba is truly the best secular leader India has right now. Modi is communal. Modi is responsible for Jupiter’s high escape velocity” Diggy tweeted taking a dig at BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate Narendra Modi who is also addressing rallies in the state.

Congress national spokesperson Sanjay Jha confirmed the plan. “The ‘Jupiter Mission’ is in initial stages. We have named the plan ‘Sonia Gandhi Jupiter Bhejo Yojana (SGJBY)’ after Sonia madam. It will have reservation for everyone including SCs, STs, Dalits, Adivasis and even for other minorities. We have put the estimated budget for implementation of ‘SGJBY’ at around Rs. 4000 Crores”, Jha said at a press meet, hinting a fresh new scam is in the dock.

Liberal intellectuals and neutral political observers have hailed the grand ‘Jupiter Mission’. “Congress party’s inclusiveness of including Dalits, Adivasis and SCs and STs in ‘Jupiter Mission’ truly demonstrate the party’s commitment to secularism” one neutral intellectual pointed out, adding “Modi only cares about industrialists”.

Meanwhile, a NASA scientist reportedly contradicted Congress party’s ambitious ‘Jupiter Mission’ by saying that Jupiter has no solid surface, since it is a Gas Giant (mostly made of gases). Reacting sharply, Congress leader Kapil Sibal lambasted the scientist and accused NASA of being communal. “We never expected NASA to join hands with communal forces. It is a respected agency and it should not interfere in India’s domestic politics” Sibal mouthed.