Tag Archives: sonia gandhi

Congress plans move to classify Cigarette smokers as ‘minority’ after Budget announcement

New Delhi: After the newly elected NDA government’s announcement of its maiden budget, Cigarette smokers are in for a surprise. Cigarette price will go up by 12-14% for regular length cigarettes where excise duty has been increased by 11-21%, and the smaller size cigarettes prices will go up from Rs. 2/- per stick to Rs. 2.5-3 per stick thanks to a whopping 72% increase in duties.

“We have chosen to increase the duties on cigarettes to act as a deterrent and discourage the citizens from the habit of smoking”, Union Finance Minister Arun Jaitley said while announcing the details, adding “This will help in curbing the number of smokers in the country”.

“This is not fair. We will start rioting, raping, looting and murdering all around if prices of cigarettes are not reduced”, Mr. Sutta Joshi a college student and a chain smoker allegedly threatened to some reporters after the budget announcement, “Its hurts our sentiments since we are so attached to cigarettes”.

As per sources, the word ‘sentiments’ sent shivering waves down the spine of some Congress leaders which triggered a path-breaking idea in the mind of Congress party president Sonia Gandhi.

“We will fight for the rights of smokers. If majority of people in the country stop smoking, then only few active smokers will be left. We will fight for their minority status so that they are not bullied by the majority non-smokers” Sonia ji shared with the reporters shortly after the announcement.

“Sonia madam will write a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi appealing him to declare smokers as ‘minority’ status and grant them constitutional safeguards such as reservation in public undertaking and employment” a Congress spokesperson told media-persons yesterday, and slammed PM Modi for oppressing smokers.

According to sources in Uttar Pradesh, Samajwadi Party supremo Mulayam Singh Yadav is reportedly in a war against its UPA ally Congress to patent a new votebank. “Hum chunaav jeete, toh smokers ke liye badlaav layenge (if we win, we will bring change for smokers)” an SP spokesperson asserted to local reporters in Lucknow, in its latest bid to attract smokers to the party.

Mulayam Singh Yadav received widespread acknowledgment and credit for discovering a new votebank of ‘rapists’ previously when he promised to bring changes in rape laws saying “ladkon se galti ho jaati hai (boys make mistakes)” drawing cheer from many rapists and prospective offenders.

Political analysts have concluded that smokers will be a handy and decisive minority during assembly elections which are scheduled to take place in various States. Liberals and intellectuals have appealed smokers to be vigilant and decisive in their voting.

Homeless street dweller classified as ‘upper middle class’ after new definition of poverty

Mumbai: Pappu,  44, a street dweller has a new reason to rejoice and he has only the Congress government to thank for it.  Pappu, a homeless person, who resides in Mumbai’s busy streets can now fancy himself to be among the high and noble of the society.

Following the revision of the poverty indicator, Pappu and many of his fellow street-dwelling beggars are now finding themselves to belong to the community of elites in the society, the much admired ‘Upper-Middle class’.

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By bringing street dwellers and ‘upper middle-class’ together, Congress government is bridging the gap between the social groups, some claim

Pappu spends the day begging at Mumbai’s posh and luxurious shopping hubs. “Linking road is one of my favorite spots” he claims. The 44 year-old street dweller almost collects Rs. 400/ day from his daily begging routine.

Various Congress leaders gave “remarkable” figures to define the threshold of poverty. While Raj Chaddar said that one can get a full meal at Rs. 12/- in Mumbai, others gave more impressive figures. Farooq Adbullah said that a person can have full meal for just 1 rupee.

Pappu buys at a minimum, 2 Vada Pavs and a Pepsi, every day on an average (spending almost Rs. ’30+’ per day). Pappu’s luxurious daily food habits puts him above people belonging to ‘Lower middle class’, ‘Lower class’ and ‘Below poverty line (BPL)’ class.

This new poverty definition has put Pappu and many other lucky street-dwellers in the category of ‘Upper-Middle class’ paving the way for a societal evolution.

Congress leaders are celebrating the remarkable feat of their government. “Now, less than 1% of the population lives in poverty. Our party has truly transformed India into an economic superpower” quipped Congress leader Ajay Maken.

Another ‘Upper middle-class’ citizen

Nobel laureate Amartya Sen too has congratulated the Congress government on this outstanding achievement. “I have been an economist for more than 5 decades but I have never seen such a miracle. Congress government has transformed India into a powerful economy without even raising a finger” the Nobel Prize winner said.

Meanwhile the real ‘Upper-Middle class’ is confused. They are wondering whether its a joke or whether they are being put in the same category as beggars because of the rising inflation and falling economy.

Secularists hail the successful transition of Bihar into a ‘secular’ state

Barely just a few months after Nitish Kumar’s valiant break away from the NDA coalition and move towards the ‘secular’ UPA coalition, critics and observers have concluded that Bihar has successfully transitioned into a secular state.

“The first holy sign came during the episode of the mid-day meal deaths. Here, instead of taking strong action and showing solidarity with the victims, the Nitish Kumar government pointed fingers at Narendra Modi and the BJP, personifying the great values of secularism” Mr. Doggy, a very sophisticated politician and liberal, explained.

“After the mid-day meal deaths, Nitish Kumar government was brave enough to bring Modi and BJP in the picture. Even in such a tough scenario, they showed the strength and the stamina to be secular and politically-correct.  I see no greater secular achievement than this” remarked a former critic of the Bihar Chief Minister, who is now become his admirer.

The second holy sign was not far away. After the death of Indian soldiers in the LOC firings by Pakistan, a JD(U) leader showed great secular virtues by belittling the sacrifices of the Indian soldiers. “They join the army only to die” the secular leader said.

“One of the foremost virtues of Congress-branded secularism is anti-Nationalism” a pro-Congress secular liberal explained “anti-Nationalism is the highest attainment of secularism. Hence now we can say with ample certainty that Bihar has successfully transitioned into a secular state”.

The only sacrifice the so-called ‘aam admi’ has to give is to trash the good governance, political accountability, economic stability, development, etc. which the NDA government was providing when in power. Now the people of Bihar can enjoy the Congress-branded ‘secularism’ under the Nitish Kumar government.

‘Your voice has been heard’ says the blind and deaf Sonia Gandhi: A story of hope

Sonia Gandhi

Sonia Gandhi struggling to smile

India’s most honest, sincere, trustworthy and clean-chit politician and national leader Sonia Gandhi has finally heard the voice of the anti-rape protesters. For two full weeks following the horrific incident of the Delhi assault on 16th December, many Indians have been, and continue to, protest in the capital and all over India. Their demands, pass a stricter and stronger law and constitute fast-track Courts for such cases involving crimes against women.

At one time, one could have only hoped that this message of the protesters somehow reached Sonia Gandhi, who, incidentally happens to be blind and deaf. “Once we manage to get the message of the Delhi protesters to Sonia Madam, maybe we can hope that things will change”, remarked a political commentator a little over a week ago. The cause for concern is how can the message of the protesters reach Sonia Madam who can’t see nor hear?

One may be familiar with the situation of ‘Michelle McNally’, the blind and deaf character portrayed by one of India’s leading actresses Rani Mukerji in the film ‘Black’ directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Michelle lived completely in isolation in her own black world surrounded by darkness due to her inability to see or hear or express herself. These same circumstances somehow precisely describe the present situation of Sonia Gandhi.

With the nation in such massive turmoil, and no one coming ahead to take charge and give some reassurance to the people, all hope seemed lost. The one dependable leader, Sonia Madam, was sitting away in isolation, not knowing anything about this great turmoil. Her Congress party workers couldn’t find anyone to communicate this message to Madam ji, someone like the miracle worker portrayed by Amitabh Bachchan’s character ‘Debraj Sahai’ who was able to communicate with Rani’s character and taught her to express herself.

“We don’t have any miracle worker here in India who can communicate the message to Sonia Madam”, was the statement made by a concerned Congress spokesperson few days back. And without their esteemed leader’s opinion or decision, Congress is like a “stagnant puddle of water, completely useless and a piece of shit…”, as famously said by one of Congress’s leaders himself. So without their leader’s decision, Congress as well as central government remained brain-dead.

But hope was on the way. Just two days ago, an unknown person only identified as ‘Mr. X’, who miraculously was proficient in sign language approached the concerned Congress party leaders. He was immediately taken to Sonia’s place and spent hours and hours trying to explain the state of the nation by spelling words in her hand, just like how Bachchan’s character tried to teach Rani’s character in Black. Sonia, however isolated she may be, slowly picked it up. The first thing that came in her mind was to address her subjects that their queen has heard their voices.

After almost 2 grilling weeks, it took a great deal of protests across Delhi and all over India, and the aid of a miracle worker ‘Mr. X’ to get this message to Sonia Madam. And so it was established, Pranab Mukherjee may be the President, Manmohan Singh may be the Prime Minister, but it is none other than Sonia Gandhi, the queen president of UPA, who is the true leader of this country. Without her, even the PM and President are just mere humans. Their posts in the Government don’t count for shit, Sonia Madam is the real boss. But still, kind of ironic, because India is called the world’s biggest democracy (as opposed to monarchy).

The first thing Sonia Madam did was to come out of her cave and greet her protesters. “Your voices have been heard”, she said in a breaking struggling voice which was met with cheers from 90% Indians. Now finally that our blind and deaf leader has ‘heard’ our voices, we can expect some action from the government.

40 is the new 10: Rahul Gandhi gets candid

As the Gujarat elections come to a close, Refreshing Times chats up with the Congress General Secretary, and the young dynamic leader of this era, Rahul Gandhi, about recent polls, new generation Indians, politics and more. The 42 year old ‘young’ brand new leader of Congress Master Rahul Gandhi, lovingly known as Rahul baba, has campaigned all across Gujarat in the recent polls along with his mummy, Sonia Gandhi.

Both of them, part of royal family of India, the Nehru-Gandhi family, which has been reigning over New Delhi, ever since Independence spanning 65 years, hope to regain some shelter in the state.

Rahul Gandhi explaining his ideas

Rahul Gandhi explaining his ideas

With the voting being in its final phase, the Congress leader is more confident of a win in the State as Gujarat sees a record voter turnout. The turnout in the 2012 polls, which is about 71.3%, is the highest-ever registered in the state.

“I think that if more people vote, we will get more votes,” said a confident Rahul Gandhi trying to explain possible victory of Congress. Incidentally, exit polls broadcasted by many news channels mostly indicated that BJP would seal the victory.

“What is exit polls? I don’t know what it is that you are saying,” clarified Rahul Gandhi as he tried to brush away the topic.

Rahul Gandhi believes in encouraging new talent in politics: “We have so many old people in politics. Its time we introduce the young generation in this field. I myself at this very young age lead the Indian Youth Congress (a wing of Congress) to bring together young people from all regions.”

However, records reveal that members of the Indian Youth Congress mostly include middle-aged rickshaw-wallas, taxi drivers, hawkers, thieves, and such uneducated bums. “But are they not young?” retorts Rahul Gandhi in defiance.

Ram Jethmalani, a prominent senior lawyer and BJP leader, had earlier said that Rahul Gandhi is illiterate. “I’m not offended by these things. I believe that I am young, unlike Mr. Jethmalani who is very old. I also have started going to KG classes. It is never too late to get yourself educated. My teacher also praises me and tells me I’m very smart. I’m a fast learner, and memorize my speeches very fast. Mummy (Sonia Gandhi) showed me a world map and now I can point out where India is,” says Mr. Gandhi with a smile on his face.

“You should always keep the child inside you alive and pamper it even when you turn 40 plus,” he says.

Will Rahul Gandhi’s determination and enthusiasm encourage more young 40 plus citizens to take part in politics? “Yes. I do believe so. It is better to start at a young age, and politics is a very emerging field. You see, 40 is the new 10 now,” he concludes.

Congress Government Celebrates After Successfully Diverting Citizens From Coal Scam

On Tuesday, the Congress Government held grand scale celebrations at a Five Star hotel in New Delhi. The event was organized to celebrate the successful diversion of the citizens from the Coal Scam. It was a seemingly lavish affair with many senior Congress leaders pouring in. Many celebrities from Bollywood, Sports and Media fields were also spotted. The party started at late night and continued till early morning the next day.

Le Meridien, Delhi

The 5-star hotel where celebrations were held due to Austerity Drive

“Wow. It was amazing. There were several varieties of dishes for dinner, international liquor brands and even personal escorts. The attendance was huge.”, said a guest who does not wish to be named. He continued, “Digvijayji gave a singing and dance performance and Manmohanji did some stand up comedy. They also made fun of Pranabji’s Hindi speaking skills.” The party was held at one of the finest Five Star hotels in New Delhi which is big enough to accommodate upto 5000 guests.

Our Refreshing Times correspondent was standing near the entrance of the venue as wasted Congress politicians were walking out in the morning. “Bahut maza aaya. Bahut maza aaya…..” said a senior Congress leader as he walked out trying to control his stamina. On inquiring how liquor was served since Tuesday was Dry Day (being Gandhi Jayanti), he replied, “Dry Day ki maa ki *****.”

Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi, Digvijay Singh and few other leaders walked out wrapping their arms around each other. “I challenged MMS (short for Manmohan Singh) to say ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’ on live national television. And he did. He did. He won the bet.” said Sonia Gandhi as she burst into laughter. “Madamji gave idea of introducing FDI in retail and hiking prices of Diesel and LPG to divert the people away from the Coal Scam. So after seeing the success, Madamji decided its time to party.” said Manmohan Singh who looked little more sober than others. After this national embarrassment, a Congress spokesperson has said that a press conference will be held to ‘clarify’ what transpired at the event.

The Congress has had lots to celebrate after various events helped to divert the common man’s attention away from the Coal Scam. After introducing FDI in retail and hiking prices of Diesel and LPG, the recent T20 World Cup has also worked wonders. In a recent survey, it was concluded that the average Indian citizen is more sad and concerned that Indian Cricket Team didn’t make it to the semis than being concerned about the Coal Scam or Diesel/LPG price hike or inflation in general.